My TESTIMONY
My Childhood
During my childhood, I endured various types of abuse, which caused me to be in a cycle of trauma that has lasted well into my adult life. However, through His lovingkindness, the Lord healed, delivered, and restored my heart, and I am free from the bondage of the past.
My family was predominantly of the Southern Baptist faith, and this was the only church I attended as a child. However, due to the extreme instability of my home life, I was only able to go to church when opportunities were made available. Yet, I loved going to church! It was my favorite place, my happy place! It was the only place where I felt peace, where I felt loved, and where I was able to be myself.
My favorite book was The Bible Story by Arthur S. Maxwell; it was artistically compiled with colorful illustrations and beautifully written biblical stories. I was fascinated by the stories and pictures to the point of it falling apart. On my sixth birthday, I got my first actual Bible and treasured it, devouring its pages, too! Although I didn’t understand how those stories were relevant to me or our modern era, it didn’t matter; I could not read them enough to quench my desire.
My Life’s Habits
I have read the Bible throughout my life because it is the only thing that encourages me. When my husband and I were dating, he asked me why I always read the Bible, so I answered that it was intriguing and comforting.
Another habit that I have carried throughout my life is prayer. Due to the trauma and abuse I suffered, prayer was my way of having comfort, peace, and assurance. Often, I cried out to God to protect and deliver me from the painful afflictions I endured, and He was always with me. Certainly, I could have been taken out of this world ten times over, but God always kept me.
I have always believed that God is our Creator and heavenly Father, and Jesus is the only begotten Son of God. Moreover, I do not know when a time in my childhood when their reality became evident. Yet, I cannot claim that I was saved because I felt lost, without a savior, and I knew I was a sinner, but I did not know how to be saved and freed from my sin.
Attending Baptist churches, I often found myself at the altar bawling my eyes out, desiring Jesus to save me. I lost count of how many times I said the sinner’s prayer. Still, it seemed salvation didn’t stick to me because I would temporarily feel “saved” and “good,” but then I slipped right back into my old ways. After a while, I gave up trying but didn’t let go of my Bible reading and praying habits.
Events Leading to Salvation
Almost two years after my high school graduation, I was married and began a family. At this time, I believed my childhood trauma and abuse were left behind, and I was beginning my life anew. Unfortunately, this was not the case because the cycle of trauma continued with other types of abuse that were unfamiliar.
In 1985, I had my first child, and when he turned about six months old, we all caught Tuberculosis, and my son was quickly placed in the hospital. However, my husband and I were treated through the outpatient clinic. These were tough times because my husband could not work, so his family allowed us to stay in an old home that was not in good condition. Plus, my mother and younger siblings lived with us, too. Therefore, my husband stayed at the hospital with our son, which was a 120-mile round trip, so I could seldom visit, and I worked as a waitress.
After two months, my son was able to come home, which was a joyous moment, but more responsibility was placed upon me. In addition to taking care of my mother and siblings, I now had to diligently care for my son with his medications, numerous doctor’s appointments, and monthly visits to the Tuberculosis clinic. Indeed, it was a lot to handle, and multiple times, I was almost brought to the breaking point. Unfortunately, I carried this burden alone because my husband began drinking, hanging out with his family, and seldom came home at an appropriate time. Eventually, I had enough and separated from my husband, moving my mom, siblings, and son to another place. Many crazy events occurred that caused tremendous stress and conflict in my life.
During this time, I sincerely sought after Jesus, seeking salvation. It had been a long time since I genuinely sought after Him, but this time, it had to be real; there had to be a total life change and some empowerment to walk the path of faith. Then, one day, I crumbled to my knees in the middle of my living room floor and cried out for Him to forgive me, to save and empower me. Suddenly, I felt revitalization, a new hope, a wash of forgiveness, a release, and tremendous joy! This time, I knew without a doubt that I was forgiven, saved, and redeemed!
My New Life
Shortly thereafter, a friend came to my house and explained that he had led my husband to Jesus and invited us both to his church. Keep in mind that my husband and I were separated, so I had no idea that God was working on him at the same time. After a few visits to this church, I received the baptism of the Holy Spirit. Hence, growing up in the Southern Baptist religion, I had never heard of the baptism of the Holy Spirit, so once I received it, my life was never the same. Now, I can proclaim that He empowers me to walk the journey of faith in the name of Jesus Christ.
Since my salvation and receiving the baptism of the Holy Spirit, my mind has been continually renewed, which has transformed me more into the likeness of Jesus Christ. My faith journey has been difficult, so as a result, I have many testimonies to share about His eternal lovingkindness. I have gained much wisdom, knowledge, and understanding of His word that burns within me to impart to others. Indeed, my life as a disciple of Christ is full of adventure and is never dull!
My Journey
During my journey with Jesus, I intimately know how it feels to be broken, to grieve, to struggle, to feel conflicted, and unsure. Yet, through every challenge, Jesus has always carried me through, strengthening me in His grace. However, I have not been perfect through these trying times and have made many, many mistakes, but Jesus is the Redeemer, the Restorer, and the Builder. Certainly, I am nothing without Him, and He is the only One who is glorified for where I am today.